[Kodo turns halfway to look at Neku and Candle out of one eye. It takes a moment longer for Nagi, who doesn't really turn so much as just...turns his head a little.]
[Nagi can feel Kodo pressing him, trying to get him to look at her for a moment, but he doesn't. Clearly this is something he's going to have to deal with right now if he wants to get any peace, because ignoring him didn't work.
He finally looks over, but his expression isn't angry for once. It's...more confused than anything, poorly hidden behind a mask of indifference.]
The other day you would have told me you didn't know what Pallet Town was.
[Then, his tone grows a bit harsh, mocking, his hands balling into fists at his sides. He can't remember exactly what all was said, but one part was burned into his memory:]
"I still don't know where the hell I am or who you are--who are you anyway?"
[Neku's eyes widen, and in the back of his head some rather detached part of him notes that Nagi has gotten pretty good at mimicking his wording. His syntax. It makes him feel something he can't name for some reason he can't really explain.
But most of him is focused on this right now]
That's impossible. I told you, I was on the ship. And I'm not missing any time. It's the date it should be- there's no way I could have run into you and been there at the same time!
You just came from Shibuya, that's what you said. You didn't know anything!
[It occurs to Nagi, then, that he's gotten a lot more worked up over this than he thought he would. Maybe it's because the accused is standing in front of him, or that this supposed "friend" is just another mistake, another joke-
He's not really sure.]
I thought...you'd gone back again, but now you're telling me you never left?!
Nagi... do you really think I would play a prank like this, on THAT weekend of all things?
[He says it directly and with utter seriousness. Sure, he screwed around with Nagi often. But this? This would just be cruel, especially since he knows more then most how much the whims of this world upset his friend.]
Nagi doesn't say anything, his gaze averted. He's not even mad at Neku anymore, not really. Obviously something happened, some...strange thing this world must have done. He just wishes he hadn't been there for it this time, because this is the last thing he needs.]
[Neku doesn't say anything either... but he does step closer. Not too close- in the end, eventually, if their friendship was going to continue, Nagi was going to have to make a move that Neku didn't force. But still, he wanted it to be clear he was there and listening either way]
[He doesn't move, at least. But that doesn't mean he knows what to say.]
I thought-
[...]
I don't know what...happened. I thought...
[Finally Nagi moves, but it's to look back up again. His eyes dart a little as he watches Neku in front of him. He opens his mouth and it works a little as he tries to say something else, but nothing comes.
He has no idea what happened, but it's clear that Neku...really wasn't affected by it.]
[Neku's eyes meet his, flicking back and forth- not like he was avoiding the gaze... but more like he was reading something. Thinking, absorbing information laid before him]
Were you...
['Scared?']
worried?
[Neku isn't sure how he feels about this possibility. That the idea that Neku, the Neku he knows, might be gone, had upset Nagi this much. He knew it from when he returned the last time, but seeing it again like this, mixed with confusion...
His former partners had given him similar looks before, in the Game. But he had always associated it with literally sharing your lifeforce with someone. He had friends, but this was... different]
But it wouldn't really be the same person. Almost like...
['Almost like I died']
I went home for good anyways. It's a scary idea.
[He doesn't look at Nagi directly. But he does, lightly, put a hand on his shoulder. A careful invitation. A test to see where his boundaries currently were with his conflicted friend]
[It seems that exact thing is what his team has strived for since he joined. To go out with a bang, dragging the whole world with them. Strange how things work out that way...]
Even if it did, it isn't like you or I could have changed it. No amount of anger, confusion, or disbelief would change it.
I just...don't know why I...
[And he trails off, there.
He felt all of those things and more, yes. But he doesn't understand why he felt so...
[Given the terrible things he's done, he might have argued that before...humanity had nothing for him. The one time it offered him something, it was just taken away. He hasn't really...expected much more than that.
Now it's Nagi's turn for his brows to furrow slightly.]
Maybe. If that's the case, it's amazing you've bothered putting up with me this long.
["Rival", "Friend", ...Neku means a lot of things to him now, apparently.]
[He doesn't respond right away, his chin tilting down- he isn't wearing anything with a high collar today, but he does have one of Chihiro's scarves, and it works just as well. A hand sneaks up and touches headphones that haven't been there for over a year now]
When I went back the fight time, I met someone. His name was Joshua. Well, actually Yoshiya but whatever. Joshua. We fought side by side and... I dunno. I felt like he understood me? He was an asshole. Most frustrating guy I know- yeah even more then you. By a lot. But... I dunno, I felt like we had a connection.
Turned out in the end he was... playing from the start. He was the guy that killed me. What he did really messed me up. But still... what he did is why I'm me NOW instead of the me you met the first time.
You kinda remind me of him in some ways. Not that I'm like, trying to play replacements here. Cuz trust me you're a LOT different too. Just, hell... I don't want to see you end up like him. Alone and too messed up to reach anyone. Like I was too.
[Nagi is silent as he listens, watching Neku's almost imperceptible gestures he's come to recognize as explicitly Neku, somehow. But the difference between this Neku and the one he first met...
Well. This one has stopped hiding.]
...you have to understand something. I was messed up long before I ever found myself in this place. I don't think that much will ever change.
But you...are irritating, stubborn, persistent...everything a proper rival should be.
[...]
It may not fix everything. But...I suppose having a...friend who knows how terrible people- and the world- can be...helps.
I only realized then that I wasn't ready to lose that. Not yet.
[He smiles into his scarf, flushing red all over again]
I kinda guessed that. And honestly I dunno if I'll really ever understand a lot of it. Our degrees of screwed up are on totally different scales, I think.
Still, I don't wanna lose it either. So I guess you gotta put up with me being obnoxious for now.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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You came all the way out here...why?
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[Something had to have happened. Like when Tot showed up. The fact that it was literally him doesn't occur to Neku... but really why would it?
He schools his tone back. He was the one that bullied his way onto this trip... if Nagi was done with it, he would have to respect that.]
Look, I... I'm just here to see if you want a ride to Pallet Town.
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He finally looks over, but his expression isn't angry for once. It's...more confused than anything, poorly hidden behind a mask of indifference.]
The other day you would have told me you didn't know what Pallet Town was.
[Then, his tone grows a bit harsh, mocking, his hands balling into fists at his sides. He can't remember exactly what all was said, but one part was burned into his memory:]
"I still don't know where the hell I am or who you are--who are you anyway?"
...is this some kind of joke?
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But most of him is focused on this right now]
That's impossible. I told you, I was on the ship. And I'm not missing any time. It's the date it should be- there's no way I could have run into you and been there at the same time!
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[It occurs to Nagi, then, that he's gotten a lot more worked up over this than he thought he would. Maybe it's because the accused is standing in front of him, or that this supposed "friend" is just another mistake, another joke-
He's not really sure.]
I thought...you'd gone back again, but now you're telling me you never left?!
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[He says it directly and with utter seriousness. Sure, he screwed around with Nagi often. But this? This would just be cruel, especially since he knows more then most how much the whims of this world upset his friend.]
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Nagi doesn't say anything, his gaze averted. He's not even mad at Neku anymore, not really. Obviously something happened, some...strange thing this world must have done. He just wishes he hadn't been there for it this time, because this is the last thing he needs.]
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I thought-
[...]
I don't know what...happened. I thought...
[Finally Nagi moves, but it's to look back up again. His eyes dart a little as he watches Neku in front of him. He opens his mouth and it works a little as he tries to say something else, but nothing comes.
He has no idea what happened, but it's clear that Neku...really wasn't affected by it.]
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Were you...
['Scared?']
worried?
[Neku isn't sure how he feels about this possibility. That the idea that Neku, the Neku he knows, might be gone, had upset Nagi this much. He knew it from when he returned the last time, but seeing it again like this, mixed with confusion...
His former partners had given him similar looks before, in the Game. But he had always associated it with literally sharing your lifeforce with someone. He had friends, but this was... different]
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If you ever want to just call me. Even if I don't answer right away I always will, okay?
...Fuck.]
If you meet someone, eventually...your intent will always reach them.
I suppose I...never thought of the possibility you would lose what that intent ever was.
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[It's a very unpleasant thought, and hearing Nagi use his own words makes him turn a little red, rubbing the back of his head]
Does that... really undo what I said?
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No. I guess not.
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['Almost like I died']
I went home for good anyways. It's a scary idea.
[He doesn't look at Nagi directly. But he does, lightly, put a hand on his shoulder. A careful invitation. A test to see where his boundaries currently were with his conflicted friend]
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I said to...'them'...forget about it. I wasn't exactly expecting to get a text a few days later, as if it hadn't happened.
[...]
It was foolish for me to believe any of it. Wasn't it?
[It was during one of those weekends. He should have known.]
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And I mean, it's not like I haven't vanished before. I'm... sorry, that I scared you.
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I shouldn't have accused you like that right away.
[...come on.]
...I'm...sorry, too.
[There we go.]
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What was that quote...?
[He tilts his head back, eyes closed as he thinks]
"The only guarantee in life is death, but the only thing worse than death itself, is being forgotten."
I can't really blame you, considering everything that happened. I woulda been pretty pissed too.
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Even if it did, it isn't like you or I could have changed it. No amount of anger, confusion, or disbelief would change it.
I just...don't know why I...
[And he trails off, there.
He felt all of those things and more, yes. But he doesn't understand why he felt so...
...Hurt.]
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I dunno man, guess it just means you're still human after all. We all wanna mean something to someone.
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Now it's Nagi's turn for his brows to furrow slightly.]
Maybe. If that's the case, it's amazing you've bothered putting up with me this long.
["Rival", "Friend", ...Neku means a lot of things to him now, apparently.]
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When I went back the fight time, I met someone. His name was Joshua. Well, actually Yoshiya but whatever. Joshua. We fought side by side and... I dunno. I felt like he understood me? He was an asshole. Most frustrating guy I know- yeah even more then you. By a lot. But... I dunno, I felt like we had a connection.
Turned out in the end he was... playing from the start. He was the guy that killed me. What he did really messed me up. But still... what he did is why I'm me NOW instead of the me you met the first time.
You kinda remind me of him in some ways. Not that I'm like, trying to play replacements here. Cuz trust me you're a LOT different too. Just, hell... I don't want to see you end up like him. Alone and too messed up to reach anyone. Like I was too.
Plus I just like being around you.
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Well. This one has stopped hiding.]
...you have to understand something. I was messed up long before I ever found myself in this place. I don't think that much will ever change.
But you...are irritating, stubborn, persistent...everything a proper rival should be.
[...]
It may not fix everything. But...I suppose having a...friend who knows how terrible people- and the world- can be...helps.
I only realized then that I wasn't ready to lose that. Not yet.
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I kinda guessed that. And honestly I dunno if I'll really ever understand a lot of it. Our degrees of screwed up are on totally different scales, I think.
Still, I don't wanna lose it either. So I guess you gotta put up with me being obnoxious for now.
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