He said you took a second one and used your powers to mouth off to Dist.
And since it's a little unlikely for him to just spontaneously land on the notion that you've got telekinesis for no apparent reason, I'm kind of inclined to believe him.
Okay, I'm the fucking patron saint of bad decisions and I can tell you about six different reasons why that was a dumb as fuck idea.
What the hell were you fucking thinking? What did any of that fucking prove? So the guy ought to be scared shitless of you six days out of the damn year; what the hell are you going to do about it the other three hundred and sixty?
What it proved was that I wasn't about to just let them make an absolute fool out of me and get away with it. Particularly Dist.
I know you have some sort of connection with them and they like you, but I'm sorry if I'm not interested in letting complete strangers pull me around like they did, no matter what position they are in.
Did you fucking miss the part where I said Kato wants you dead? That fucker wants you dead and this is news to you, Nagi!
I used to pull shit like that at school and you know what happened to me? I was a cocky fuck who got my ass kicked and probably would've ended up in a lab chopped up for spare parts if Crawford hadn't been around to bail me out!
The fuck would you have done if I didn't have that damn connection with them? What if Kato hadn't gone through me and had just decided to come after you himself? What if Dist hadn't waited two fucking months to spill the beans — I haven't been the same rank as him that long, you pulled this shit when I had no way of getting in to bail you out!
Why the fuck do you think we never mouthed off to the Elders until we had them so far up shit creek they couldn't retaliate against us? Why the fuck do you think Crawford bowed his fucking head and kissed their asses for fucking years — it sure as hell wasn't because he liked having to lick their boots!
You don't pull this shit unless you have an out and you had nothing! And it doesn't sound to me like you even fucking realize that because you're still fucking fixating on the fact that they got the better of you once and think your thirty seconds of lording it over them is somehow worth the fact that now they're out for your blood!
You think I've been making these connections because I like these people? Where the fuck would you be right now if I hadn't?! The fact that those assholes like me enough to talk to me might just be the only reason you're not in pieces at the bottom of the ocean right now! Do you get that?!
[The sharpness of the response actually takes Nagi off guard pretty badly, and it takes him some time to articulate a response.]
...I get it. I get it, alright? I was so angry, so upset I wasn't thinking. At the time, all I cared about was seeing that second test through, proving to them I wasn't lying about what I could do and clearly it was a mistake.
[The thought comes to him that if he could have killed them like Schuldig suggested in passing before, he very well may have. But he decides to keep that to himself.]
That's not a fucking answer and you know it. What exactly am I supposed to do with the bastards who want to see you fucked up for insubordination and now seem to think I can't keep control of somebody I personally vouched for?
The easiest answer would be for you to just let them have their way with me, since I have brought all of this upon myself to begin with.
If I have to, I will talk to Kato or let him come to me personally. And if he still wants to kill me then, then that's just something I'll have to deal with.
Do I have a better idea, he says. No, I don't have a fucking better idea! I don't have any ideas! But if your ass getting killed was a fucking acceptable idea, I wouldn't have been bailing you out in the first damn place!
What the hell is wrong with you? Do you think I want to see you fucked up or worse by shitheads like that?
What's wrong with me is the fact that everything this entire past month and a half has gone wrong and I don't know what to do about it anymore.
Crawford comes and stays for a few days and leaves as if he were never here. Tot does the exact same thing and I don't even get the chance to figure out if she even realizes that I thought she was dead or not. Then the one person I'd rather see dead comes back instead of either one of them, trying to treat me like I'm some sort of friend all of a sudden, and he's the one who gets to stay?
And then I try to prove something and only end up in making things even worse than they were to begin with. You can bail me out all you want but at this point I don't know what to do.
[He pauses for a little while before sending anything else, because none of that was what he had intended to say in the first place at all.]
I don't even want to be here. This used to be the place I came to to get away from everything the world had to offer and now it's starting to blur together.
And there is no way out unless this place wants you gone.
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Why?
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Well, everything is fine, if you are concerned.
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Did he tell you that?
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What exactly did he say?
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And since it's a little unlikely for him to just spontaneously land on the notion that you've got telekinesis for no apparent reason, I'm kind of inclined to believe him.
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He's right. I did.
I wanted to show Dist that I could take that test and break into those files of theirs without a problem, and I did.
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What the hell were you fucking thinking? What did any of that fucking prove? So the guy ought to be scared shitless of you six days out of the damn year; what the hell are you going to do about it the other three hundred and sixty?
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I know you have some sort of connection with them and they like you, but I'm sorry if I'm not interested in letting complete strangers pull me around like they did, no matter what position they are in.
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I used to pull shit like that at school and you know what happened to me? I was a cocky fuck who got my ass kicked and probably would've ended up in a lab chopped up for spare parts if Crawford hadn't been around to bail me out!
The fuck would you have done if I didn't have that damn connection with them? What if Kato hadn't gone through me and had just decided to come after you himself? What if Dist hadn't waited two fucking months to spill the beans — I haven't been the same rank as him that long, you pulled this shit when I had no way of getting in to bail you out!
Why the fuck do you think we never mouthed off to the Elders until we had them so far up shit creek they couldn't retaliate against us? Why the fuck do you think Crawford bowed his fucking head and kissed their asses for fucking years — it sure as hell wasn't because he liked having to lick their boots!
You don't pull this shit unless you have an out and you had nothing! And it doesn't sound to me like you even fucking realize that because you're still fucking fixating on the fact that they got the better of you once and think your thirty seconds of lording it over them is somehow worth the fact that now they're out for your blood!
You think I've been making these connections because I like these people? Where the fuck would you be right now if I hadn't?! The fact that those assholes like me enough to talk to me might just be the only reason you're not in pieces at the bottom of the ocean right now! Do you get that?!
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...I get it. I get it, alright? I was so angry, so upset I wasn't thinking. At the time, all I cared about was seeing that second test through, proving to them I wasn't lying about what I could do and clearly it was a mistake.
[The thought comes to him that if he could have killed them like Schuldig suggested in passing before, he very well may have. But he decides to keep that to himself.]
What do you want me to say, Schuldig?
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That was the same weekend you picked the fight with the bastard in the green suit, wasn't it? And we had to come bail you out?
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[And he would argue that that guy was trying to kill him anyway, but...well, they saw that much for themselves.]
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And you know if Crawford were here he'd have smacked the shit out of you by now.
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If it makes you feel any better, you won't have to worry about me causing any more trouble.
I've had enough for quite some time.
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If I have to, I will talk to Kato or let him come to me personally. And if he still wants to kill me then, then that's just something I'll have to deal with.
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What the hell is wrong with you? Do you think I want to see you fucked up or worse by shitheads like that?
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Crawford comes and stays for a few days and leaves as if he were never here. Tot does the exact same thing and I don't even get the chance to figure out if she even realizes that I thought she was dead or not. Then the one person I'd rather see dead comes back instead of either one of them, trying to treat me like I'm some sort of friend all of a sudden, and he's the one who gets to stay?
And then I try to prove something and only end up in making things even worse than they were to begin with. You can bail me out all you want but at this point I don't know what to do.
[He pauses for a little while before sending anything else, because none of that was what he had intended to say in the first place at all.]
I don't even want to be here. This used to be the place I came to to get away from everything the world had to offer and now it's starting to blur together.
And there is no way out unless this place wants you gone.
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